So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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