I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
