Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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