If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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