put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
