farters have to be the big spoon...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
