he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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