I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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