absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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