I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
