Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
