she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
