I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
