Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
