Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
