he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
