8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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