one might say we're banned from that church
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
