a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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