Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
