Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
