Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
