yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Randomize
