I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
