so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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