4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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