You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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