He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
