you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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