Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
