Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
