it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
