Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
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