just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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