closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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