i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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