he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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