you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
