I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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