I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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