Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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