I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
