and i looked up. we had an audience...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
