yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Say something about gay babies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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