Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
