Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
