This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
