took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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