Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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