I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
