Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You know, be my cock's hype man.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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