i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
