I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
