dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
