Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
