atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Randomize
